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Animated Atrocities 128/Transcript
Well, let's see what I got this Christmas! presents Oh no. So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another nightmare over, and a new one just begun. What am I even looking at here? intro This is a TV movie thing, called Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa. And just watching it was an entirely new experience for me. Yes, even after watching Dorbees. This came out 4 years later, and it looks even WORSE than Dorbees. I wasn't aware that was possible. Rapsittie Street Kids aired once in 2002, on the WB. And then, as soon as it aired, it disappeared for 13 years. Then, like a horror movie villain, it came back in late 2015, to terrorize the world once again. And we're gonna watch it. Together. Because that's what you do on Christmas. You spend time together. And I am not watching this thing alone!! You've already noticed the animation. It's not the show's only problem, but it's definitely the BIGGEST problem. Oh god, the animation! Let's start with the character animation. I mean no exaggeration when I say that they look like demons straight out of hell, on a mission to suck out our souls, crossed with blowup dolls that have been torn apart by a shotgun. What was this animated on? My calculator? The characters look so bad, you might be reviling in horror, so much that you won't even notice the more minor problems with them. Our main characters are supposed to be kids; they might be 7, 8, 10, 12, I don't really know. Except for one of the main character's little siblings, they all look like teenagers. The basic proportions are wrong. Whenever the characters talk, they move around their necks like they're broken. Whenever they laugh, they look like they're having a seizure. There are large portions of the show when the characters are talking, but not even moving. When the characters do move, it's not much better. Look at how he Ricky walks in this scene right here: His feet constantly push down past what should be the ground, but his feet don't change shape in any way whatsovever. If this was better animated, it would give the appearance that he's hovering above the ground! And this happens a lot. It's how all the characters walk. Now actually connecting feet to the ground is really difficult, in animation, because the feet do have to constantly keep changing. So do you know what people who actually know what they're doing do? They keep the camera above feet to make things easier on them, and help it look more fluid. And that's ignoring all of the other issues with the animation. Look at this image: It is absolutely... beautiful! First of all, it looks like they made all of the sparse snow with the spray paint tool in Microsoft Paint. The lake in the background: that looks like it's raised above the ground! They have about 3 jpegs of the same tree that they copied and pasted a bunch of times. The green house there is at an impossible angle: It makes it look like the back half of it is higher than the rest of the house! Or it's cardboard and it's going to fall over. Any object at an angle has the same effect. The bus is oddly and unnaturally shiny, making me think they stole an asset from somewhere else. Because it just doesn't look like it belongs in this cartoon at all; it's not cohesive to the style. When you do see trees, they're two dimensional pictures pasted onto a 3D environment, and you could say the same about pretty much everything that's not a person too! Except for the houses; they're in this weird, uncanny place where it's hard to tell if they're 2D or 3D. Because they look like a combination of the 2. Remember, this came out in 2002: CGI had already taken off at this point and people could make something look decent. Jimmy Neutron aired the exact same year and that looked fine. Hell, that old Donkey Kong cartoon looked better than this. But, maybe there's a good and charming story behind all this. Let's take a deeper look and hope for a Christmas miracle! We come across a town surrounded by mountains that look like they've been crushed. And we see some fractal design snowflakes! While most of the other snowflakes are just white dots. Ok, you've got to pick one or the other, or it just looks distracting. At the very least, make them look roughly the same size! It makes it look like the fractal snowflakes are as big as plates! Then we see some credits. Now, they appear to be in the Comic Sans font, you know like Dorbees, but actually they went through the effort to make a font that actually has slight differences from Comic Sans. And if you want to add some mystery to the horror of this all, North Pole Productions doesn't make animations. They make Christmas-themed bears. And as far as I can tell, J Rose Productions doesn't actually exist. Spooky. So we follow one, specific snowflake for some reason, and then we cut to another scene. Now, in a competent project - you're gonna be hearing me saying this a lot - that snowflake would fall on the ground, in the scene that we're supposed to be viewing. And as we get to the scene that we're supposed to be viewing, for some reason, we hear the sound of a clock's ticking slowing down. I-I really don't get it. When I first watched this, I thought that was the sound of my own clock, because this is so boring and tedious that I want to blow my brains out. Also, that road looks like it begins at a dead end five feet ago. Because the animators don't know how to keep a horizon line clear. The entire sky should be blue. A school bell rings despite the characters just getting out of school and not being anywhere close to it. Then immediately, our main character starts rapping. Ricky: 'rapping It is called Rapsittie Street Kids, remember? You know, rhapsody. And as we all know, rhapsody means a composition irregular in format and suggestive of improvisation. Give 'em this, they picked a very good title, because apparently it also means a miscellaneous collection or a jumble. Both are perfect ways to describe this piece of shit. Ok what the fuck? I'm assuming that the bus is the actual size of a bus like it was in the last shot. But look at how fast that everyone is moving. It's like everyone has rockets up their asses or something. Even though we just heard the sound of a clock slowing down. So they change the camera angle and the size of everything, but they didn't consider how that would affect things in the rest of the scene. These are AMATEUR mistakes! And yet this aired on television because potatoes. '''Ricky: 'rapping Ah yes, the perfect technique of telling and not showing. I see you're a master of that! If this cartoon was competent, as he spoke these things, we'd actually be seeing them! It's especially painful because these scenes look as boring as hell. First of all, only 2 houses are decorated like Christmas and, even then, only slightly. This scene has next to nothing in it! And it's noticeable because they hold on it. They actually do that quite a lot; just holding on scenes to hit a time limit! Oh, and I absolutely love this trick: because they figured out how hard it was to lip-sync, for literally every line that Ricky sings the song he's facing away from the camera. I'd be angry about that, but then they decide that maybe one or two lines he should actually lip-sync, and it looks like this, and I want to lie down and die. Here's another thing I noticed: repeated animation. What? Did Ricky walk backwards or something? '''Homer: Wheeeeeeee! So, Ricky sees a bunch of clearly flat pictures, some of which are even uncolored, but he only has 3 quarters so he can't buy any of them. Ricky: '1, 2, 3. And no more. Even though Christmas is coming up and he was just, I guess you can call it, singing... '''Ricky: 'rapping About how he hopes that Santa fulfills his Christmas list. So he went to the store, before knowing how much money that he had. Ok, that works! And so, Ricky walks past a house that is missing its door. I hope they get that fixed soon. It's winter. Snowing outside. It's fucking cold out there. And then Ricky walks. And he walks. And he walks. And why didn't they cut this shit out?! Then we find out that Ricky has a teddy bear that was given to him by his deceased parent. And he wants to give it to a girl named Nicole, even though they're all kind of drawn like teenagers. I've seen that bear in my nightmares by the way! Then we cut to... ok what the hell? 'Rapsittie St. Elementary: Striving for Excelence', but we sure as hell can't spell it. There's 3 Ls. 3. So we cut to all the kids acting like assholes. '''Nicole: '''Smithy! People start throwing things and it just looks awful. I mean, in Dorbees, when things were moving, they at least had a sense of moving naturally. I should never be able to see the directions that you fit into your computer through your animation, but that's all that I see here. And for some reason, it looks like there's 3 adults standing in the background. I think that they're supposed to be kids, but you generally don't use an hourglass figure for children. If I showed you the 2 on the left, out of context - after you finish screaming and the years of therapy have finally cured the nightmares - you'd probably think that they were a married couple or something. Then the teacher appears out of nowhere and tells them all to get ready for recess. '''Ricky: '''Ohhh, recess? Said no kid in the history of the world. Don't worry, Ricky, wait about a decade, and they'll get rid of recess entirely. Ugh, this world. Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with that person in green? It-it almost looks like they forgot to add eyes to her model. Also, I love how there's a poster saying 'Respect the Earth' on the background, because whoever put this upon the world can't possibly have any respect for the Earth. And now because the plot just wants to stop, we get a song in the background. plays It actually sounds kind of nice. I can imagine the band just playing so passionately, hoping to reach out to millions, and make the next 'You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch'. Do you think they ever watched the finished product? And it looks like those girls are having a seizure. This scene doesn't have anything to do with anything, by the way. It's just killing time. So we return back inside and the camera pans on a kid who seems to be too young to be in this class. Then the cartoon decides he's not interesting enough to be a part of this. I don't have anything to say about this scene. I just wanted you to watch it. '''Smithy: '''Nobody messes with my food and gets away with it! '''Bully 1: Ah come on, Smithy. Didn't your mommy teach you to share? Mmmm. sandwich Smithy: '''Nooooo!! bully and eats sandwich It's beautiful, isn't it? If you don't know how to animate people eating, then maybe you don't wanna have eating being one of the main character's primary traits. Just a thought. '''Nicole: '''Cheap is not cool. Lenee. Now my gift's the best! It came from the mall! What? I understand that you don't want to say a specific store, that's fine, but the mall isn't a store. It's an assortment of all kinds of stores: expensive ones, cheap ones, and everywhere in between! 'My gift's the best! It came from the mall! It's also rotten McDonald's fries that I bought 3 weeks ago!' But since that McDonald's was at the mall, it's still the best gift here, even though that reindeer toy could have also been bought at the mall. You know one moral expressed in children's shows that I really fucking hate? This one! '''Girl: Ouch! Ow! Ow! Ms. Parmington, get him away from me! Bully 2: mocking Get him awaaaay from meeee! Teacher: That means he likes you. This message was everywhere in the late 90s and the 2000s, and it's-it's just awful. 'Oh he keeps hitting you. Oh she keeps hitting you. That just means that they like you!' Whether or not that's true, and more often than not, it's NOT true, YOU'RE A FUCKING ADULT, AND IT'S YOUR JOB TO STOP KIDS FROM HURTING EACH OTHER!! It's a type of behavior that should NOT be encouraged! But for some reason, it's constantly encouraged in kids shows, as something cute, or not much of a problem, even though it can be bullying. And for some reason, this-this idea is still around. The Loud House had an episode like this: 'Oh, a girl is bullying you? That means she likes you!' Ok. Until she learns to treat me with respect, she can fuck off then! Puppy love: a story of bullying and teasing, and getting together so the bullying and teasing will stop! The prinicpal comes in and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. And this is another pointless scene. You could probably condense the actual plot of this thing to 11 minutes, but the goddamn thing is 42! Teacher: Now please clean up your area before you leave. Remember: things in order, teaches you good skills. I guess those skills come later. smile Oh god, what is wrong with your face?? Every time a character in this smiles, I go more and more insane. Outside Ricky and Nicole talk about Santa Claus. Nicole: Does Santa shop at the mall? What? What? Does Santa shop at the mall? I'm gonna say yes. So Ricky presents Nicole with the teddy bear and she yells at Ricky. Ricky: Merry Christmas, Nicole! Nicole: Have you lost your mind?!! Oh don't be sad, Ricky, didn't you hear? If someone treats you like shit, it just means they like you; they just don't know it yet! Then we cut to- Lenee: I know you like this stuff, Nicole. Nicole: Of course. It's sold in the malls. If you like the mall so fucking much, why don't you just live there?! For the love of all things Christmas, what ISN'T sold at the mall?! Anyway, Nicole keeps making fun of Ricky. Wow, she must really, really be into him. That's the way this works, right? After all, that's what we learned from Ms. Teacher Person! And now... we meet... the grandmother. Now reports say that she had a real script and everything that had, like, actual words on it. But this is what she actually sounds like in the cartoon. Grandma: unintelligible And she sounds like that throughout the entire film and there's absolutely no explanation for it! Anyway, Ricky is writing a letter to Santa, by candlelight, in the daytime for some reason, and he writes about the bear and how he got it. Ricky: My special bear that Momma gave me before the angels took her On the way to the mailbox, the letter, I guess, slips out of his hand. And wow, this animation is so bad. It's weird how Ricky didn't even notice it, even though he seemed oddly preoccupied with the snowflake in the beginning, which is animated in exactly the same way. A girl asks Nicole what she thinks Santa will bring her for Christmas. Lenee: What do you think Santa will bring you this year? Then Nicole has a seizure. Nicole: while metal music plays And says she doesn't believe in Santa Claus, basically to be stuck up and superior. Then we immediately cut to Nicole's mother saying she's the best kid in the world. Nicole: You know I'm the bestest kid in the world, mommy. Nicole's Mom: '''I know you are. And, oh my god, look at the mother's clothing: either she's wearing a jumpsuit that's nearly impossible to put on, or they legitimately forgot to texture it! Nicole telelports to her room and we have a musical number. '''Nicole: singing Here's a strange complaint: the camera work here is especially awful. It looks like a toddler is playing with the button that randomly switches cameras between 5 awkward angles. One of those is even at Nicole's back, for some reason! So Nicole starts I call it dancing, but it looks more like an aerobics workout. The song is pretty forgettable. With actual, you know, animation, it might actually be something. I can imagine some really good visuals to go with this. But instead we just have Nicole standing there, talking to a mirror, while her lips open and close, not even really trying to match the music. Then we cut to the other girl. She seems to be having doubts if there is a Santa Claus. Lenee's Mom: There must be a Santa Claus. Lenee: '''Nicole seems sure that there isn't. And then we cut back to Nicole because...story flow? What's that? Then Nicole goes outside and opens up a letter not addressed to her. Invading your privacy and opening letters that you're sending out? Remember, according to Ms. Teacher Person, that means that she likes you. Oh by the way, she actually likes Ricky now. '''Nicole: Oh no, Ricky. What have I done? Did I miss something? Nicole was an asshole, then she sang a song about how good of a kid she was but didn't actually do anything, and then magically she became good? THAT'S NOT HOW CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WORKS!! Grandma: unintelligble Christmas. I-I'd say that I don't get this, but I think that I do. Let me guess. Here's how the story goes: late one night, you were flipping through the channels and you watched King of the Hill. You saw this character called Boomhauer, and you liked it so much, you decided to steal the whole fucking joke! Boomhauer: unintelligible Boom. Just like that. I mean, there's some speculation that this was an accident, but I don't think that was the case. She occasionally spouts a real word, like Boomhauer does. If it was a computing error or something, ALL of the words would be garbled! And there seems to be some self-awareness, within the animated short, that the grandma is spouting nonsense. They probably purposely garbled things up without telling the voice actress. The next day everyone goes looking for Ricky's teddy bear because Nicole feels guilty. Then 3 boys come up and they have a seizure. music Why is there a blur effect on the dumpster? This scene just goes on and on and it doesn't really add anything. Then they go in the basement and more nothing happens! Smithy: 'I love creeping out creepy girls! Well, the cartoon decides to play hell's version of peekaboo, but nothing ''of substance happens. They decide to go to the junkyard, which rendered the basement scene entirely pointless. The bullies watch the kids dig through the junkyard to find the teddy bear, and the kids alert some guard dogs, and we get another one of the most beautifully bad animated sequences that I've ever seen! Sandwich kid throws his sandwich and it lands on one of the bullies. '''Bully 2: Not cool, man. The dogs chase them away. Bullies: screaming And then the kids find the teddy bear on top of a car for some reason. And then, for some reason, they want to climb over a wall. I don't know why since the gate was perfectly open and there's no indication that they need to sneak out, but whatever. Smithy: '''Now is not the time to be a girl! Did I mention the sandwich kid is a sexist asshole and I hate every second with him on screen? As soon as he teams up with the girls, he starts insulting them because they're girls; specifically stating, because they're girls. '''Lenee: '''You should help us too. '''Smithy: What is it about girls being so bossy, anyway? I get that he might be at that 'Girls are icky' age, but he just keeps harping on and on about it and it gets annoying fast. But hey, according to Ms. Teacher Person, that means he likes 'em! Nicole tries to give the teddy bear back to Ricky, but he doesn't want it because of friendship and the true meaning of Christmas. Ricky: Nicole, this was a gift. For you. Nicole: '''But, doesn't it mean a lot to you? '''Ricky: '''Yes. And so does... friendship. Wait a minute, wasn't this special called Believe in Santa? I mean, one of the side characters questions it for a couple of seconds, and it has a total of like 2 minutes of it in the entire animation, but most of this Christmas special doesn't have anything to do with Santa at all. Speaking of that, we cut to their house for some reason and they talk about Christmas memories, and how the little sister wants a pony. '''Jenna: I wanna pony for Christmas. Santa can just put it in the backyard and tie it to the apple tree, okay? Honestly, I seriously do think that this minor subplot was only added because they realized that the title of this short was the only thing in the entire animation that looked halfway decent, and they just didn't want to dump it. And then we get another song. Lenee: '''singing It actually sounds kind of nice. Like Dorbees, this also has a pretty good soundtrack. Unfortunately, it also suffers the same problem as Nicole's song, where they move the camera around randomly as a substitute for actual animation. And then the girl teleports into her bed. '''Nicole's Mom: By the time I got out of the mall- OH MY GOD! SHUT! THE FUCK UP!! ABOUT!!! THE MALL!!!! You-you know what I'm gonna do, I-I'm-I'm gonna find a way to get the damn mall condemned! Then maybe we'll get a fucking point to your lives!! Nicole gets a video box and then gives it to Ricky because- Nicole: Santa made a terrible mistake! He sent this present to the wrong house! So I ran over here as fast as I could! Wait. Isn't re-gifting kind of frowned upon? And the little girl gets a pony because her family is rich, apparently. Can I go home now? You know what? Fuck it! I-I'm going home! Ugh. This, wow, this was a piece of work. When it comes to the story, it could've used a rewrite or two. On that level, it-it's better than Dorbees. If you want to call it Believe in Santa, the person who's debating whether or not she should believe in Santa should probably be the main character. Speaking of that, the characters all fall into pretty obvious stereotypes: rich snob with a heart of gold, bully kids, the fat comic relief kid, the smart, timid girl. We've seen these character types before and there is so much filler. This should've been a half-hour short, not a full hour short. As I said, there are large portions where people are doing literally nothing but walking. That being said, I've seen other Christmas specials with worse writing. If we're judging it on the merits of story alone, it's not the worst that I've seen. With a few rewrites and maybe mix up the characters a bit, you'd be on the right track. But then there's the animation.. '''Smithy: '''Nooooo!! Let me be blunt: this is the worst 3D animation that I've ever seen! With how it looks, you'd think it'd be the first 3D animation in history. But no. Just no. 3D animation had been going on for over a decade before this came out. A small, tiny part of me, like a teensy little fraction, wants to see what this could've been with like, really talented animation. But the other 99.9% of me wants to forget that this ever even happened. I think I now know why this disappeared for over a decade. music Merry Christmas, everybody! Category:Transcripts Category:Season 5